Loss
Loss is such a difficult thing to discuss, speak of or even write about. It’s an emptiness… a void in your heart and soul that triggers random thoughts, memories, and tears. Loss is my greatest fear. It causes grief and mourning. I fear it because it alerts me to the reality that I have no control over anything really. I can pray but even that doesn’t always protect against loss… it does comfort but it doesn’t always stop loss from happening.
Sudden Loss is devastating. The shock and unexpectedness of it makes the hurt of loss even greater for me. Of course I never want someone to suffer in pain from an illness, but I do think saying goodbye and having a chance to have no regrets of things you should have said or done makes my heart heal in a different way. Not everyone feels this way, I know.
It’s hard to have a day of complete happy and joy when you wish the people you loved were there to share it with you. Once you lose someone very close, you feel like you have already had the best day of your life, because any day going forward…. will always be missing that one person to either share it with you or tell it to.
Grief and mourning come at unexpected times. Sometimes its while I’m driving, hear a song, watch a movie, laying in bed before I go to sleep, drinking coffee in the quiet of the morning, or sometimes I’m just chopping up vegetables in the kitchen… I miss my people, but I especially miss my Dad, my person I went to for advise, for approval, for a hug and shoulder to cry on, for prayer, for everything. I don’t understand “the why”. I want to just have a feeling of comfort in trusting the Lord, but I don’t. I’m upset. In fact, at times, I’m mad at Him, God. I might as well say it, its not like He doesn’t already know. We talk in prayer and He’s holding on to me, because frankly I don’t have the strength to hold it together on my own…. and realizing that is why it’s okay to be angry. God knows and is okay with it because He knows me and because I am his child, I still love Him and He is my Savior.
Angie
Scattering seeds of love... 